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richasmukherjee.com

love, laughter, pain, joy, life and its lessons, one word at a time

Month

May 2016

Imagine


I saw it. Clearly. And then it was gone.

A white fluffy rabbit jumped over the sun and suddenly became a reindeer.

Did you see that? Did you see?

There is so much I see that goes unseen.

When I look at the gnarled bark of a tree, a wrinkled old man always peers back at me.

A receding dance of spilt water on the table always leaves an anaconda in it’s wake
.

When the rain is splattering the windshield relentlessly, a liquid fireworks display breaks out in front of my eyes.

Just the other day I saw a battle unfold at the bottom of my cereal bowl.

With rebellious flakes of corn battling the elements on tides of tumultuous milk.

The tree behind my house, billowing in the breeze often guides me with its big leafy hand, when I find myself heading in no particular direction.

Coffee stains on important pages, so dramatic, so decisive, yet depicting myriad scenes from day to day life.

Do they find me or am I looking for them?

Isint it ironical though?

There are no boundaries to the imagination, in a world defined by them.

Stop

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It starts with a churn.
As if the insides of my stomach were a blender.
Knots are tied, tighter and tighter,
Butterflies crowd together flitting nervously.
And my heard thuds, listlessly. Like it’s run out of fuel and stranded on a lonely road
I’ve seen this enough haven’t I?
I’ve been here often enough haven’t I?
But why does watching you leave every time, feel like the first time, hurt as much as the first time. Maybe I don’t even remember the first time but I have a feeling it wasn’t pleasant.
I’ve often wished that dusty old suitcase, as you pull it down, would part with a handle.
Or that rusty zip would finally finally stop in its tracks.
Maybe the soul of that departing shoe could meet its maker.
Or even that sputtering engine of the shaky old taxi downstairs could decide to take an afternoon siesta?
But the world now knows not to indulge my silly fantasies.
Alas.
That handle will stand firm.
That zip will run its course.
The shoe will purposefully stride away.
That engine will be waiting for you, warm and ready.
You will plant a kiss on my cheek, hug me till my core feels warm,
And then say a casual ‘see you soon’ with a smile that hasn’t seen a day’s worth of gloom.
How I wish I could be that way.
Why must I be so sad about a phenomenon that is recurring yet has no true permanence?
To the cadence of your departing feet, I shut the door, clear the coffee mugs, send the butterflies home, telling them not to return till you return, and leave again.
Foolish, hopeless heart of mine.

Perspective

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When is too much enough?
From the time we are born, it’s a steady diet of superstitions.
Don’t laugh too much, or you will end the day crying.
That’s too much happiness. Don’t jinx it.
I’ve had too much good luck, I’m in for a downward slide for sure.
Is it that we are scared of utter happiness?
Or is it just second nature to doubt normalcy and stability.
Why must our hearts be gripped with weary predictions of doom,
When it’s just so much easier to be happy and carefree?
Does an empty house with bare walls make you pine for what was?
Or does the resident laughter, the memories, the echoes that ricochet off the ceilings, rebound into your heart and light it up like a Christmas tree?
You can’t stop the sun from setting, the lights from dimming, the darkness from descending every night.
But what you can do, is welcome the rising sun with a smile, and tell yourself, that whichever side of the bed you get off, your glass will be half full every day of your life.

Little lessons

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It felt like a day that should be forgotten, quickly.
Nothing made sense.
I looked at a wall, and upon this vast canvas I painted and projected all my contemplation.
Then suddenly you crawled into my lap. I hugged you and breathed in your tiny soft curls.
I will never forget that smell.
It was a heady mixture of baby powder, happiness, innocence, trust, joy and peace.
It carried me away on a cloud.
I was weightless, drifting, with your tiny trusting fingers wrapped around mine.
You gurgled and burped. This amused you so much that you toppled over laughing.
When was the last time I had embarrassed and entertained myself this way?
Back on the ground you crawled over everything that came your way, never losing that smile.
I wish I had thought of your resolve and tenacity when I needed it recently.
When you wrapped your tiny finger around mine, I knew I had to trust in my instincts as well.
For all the fancy schools and colleges and miles upon miles of books,
Some of life’s simplest lessons can be carried in the tiniest hands, you just need to know where to look.

Fearless

 

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In a land faraway lived a shadow of Doubt.
But one fine day it came home, never slept, always alert, always up and about.
It suffocated me everyday with its power and might.
Each step each decision, always wrong, no matter how hard I tried.
It strangled my happiness before I could make merry.
Uprooting all my hope in its tearing hurry.
What if everything is lost? Dare I risk it all?
Success was a faraway dream, how could it not? Doubt wouldn’t even let me fall.
Then one fine morning I decided I would not be afraid.
I would hurt I would suffer, but then that would be my own destiny, my own fate.
I might not have the answers, but I will not live in fear all my life.
You don’t control me anymore, Doubt, I now banish you from my life.

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