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richasmukherjee.com

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Motherhood

Little lessons

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It felt like a day that should be forgotten, quickly.
Nothing made sense.
I looked at a wall, and upon this vast canvas I painted and projected all my contemplation.
Then suddenly you crawled into my lap. I hugged you and breathed in your tiny soft curls.
I will never forget that smell.
It was a heady mixture of baby powder, happiness, innocence, trust, joy and peace.
It carried me away on a cloud.
I was weightless, drifting, with your tiny trusting fingers wrapped around mine.
You gurgled and burped. This amused you so much that you toppled over laughing.
When was the last time I had embarrassed and entertained myself this way?
Back on the ground you crawled over everything that came your way, never losing that smile.
I wish I had thought of your resolve and tenacity when I needed it recently.
When you wrapped your tiny finger around mine, I knew I had to trust in my instincts as well.
For all the fancy schools and colleges and miles upon miles of books,
Some of life’s simplest lessons can be carried in the tiniest hands, you just need to know where to look.

Breathe…

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Complete ecstasy to utter despair.
Dizzying success to humiliating failures.
Calm and control, to a frenzied chaos
Finding heaven and then I’m utterly lost.
I’ve known them intimately.

I start today knowing anyone or all,
Could come my way. I could soar I could fall.
Why can’t feeling peaceful be a permanent thing?
How can one piercing cry make it disappear in a blink.
Why does my happiness compete with the bites that you eat?
How can a loose string on the carpet where you walk,make my heart skip a beat?

Why does one disrespectful word drive a stake through my heart?
Isin’t it strange then that I can’t be happy when we are sometimes apart?
My bleary eyes watch the vicissitudes of the sleep that eludes you so.
You stubborn fool, I tell myself. Even when offered help, you won’t let go.

As the water runs in the sink, my heart does too,
Asking what new challenge, what new heartache is in store for you?
Then I pick up my bag and head to the door.
Shrugging apprehensions, a smile is lurking around for sure.
I kiss those soft trusting hands, and sweet things in your ear I say.
That smile will stay with me. I’ll breathe. I’ll survive. It’s going to be a great day..

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